At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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