How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
