you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
