I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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