There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
