I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You are the jesus of drinking
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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