Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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