dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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