This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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