It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
