so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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