i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize