Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
