i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
