oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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