Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
