remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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