Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
