rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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