after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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