3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize