I must be too annoying 4 u.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
