So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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