You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have fence marks all over my body
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
