i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
