Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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