You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
