My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Vodka?
Forever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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