How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize