Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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