I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
