When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
