Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
