He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
