Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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