OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize