Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
