I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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