It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW