I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
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Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...