so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I want a musical about memes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
