The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?