Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok