Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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