i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
