is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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