Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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