had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
