its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
