I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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