Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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