Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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