batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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