That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
