he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
