I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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