Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
