This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
