First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
did you just send me my own nude
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
