I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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