what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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