..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
