you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
