You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
