there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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