I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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